Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Wednesday Words

Hubby comes home tomorrow and I can't wait. I've been feeling so lonely. I made it through the first couple of nights, but it hit hard yesterday. Taking the kidlets to Irish dance last night was such a relief. I really needed to talk to people over the age of nine. But this morning I was back to longing for adult conversation and company.

As I dropped off the kids off at school this morning, I realized I have a lot of acquaintances where we live, but not a lot of friends. Sure, people are friendly and nice, don't get me wrong, but I'm talking the kind of friends who chat on the phone (and not about kid play dates and stuff), get together for coffee or lunch or dinner, that sort of thing. I counted who I would consider that kind of friend. I came up with two. That made me sad.

So I picked up the phone and called one of my closest friends, who lives about forty minutes away. We talked about my dream big blog post and shared our goal lists with each other. We talked about her upcoming trip overseas. We also talked about friends. She said it was hard for her to connect on a deep level with people at her son's school. It wasn't that they weren't nice. They were, but they just didn't understand her creative pursuits and what her writing and photography meant to her. I gotta admit it was good to hear that from someone else, too.

Still I'm not really surprised to find myself in this position. I've never been a member of the in-crowd or popular group. I've always been the person who hung around the edges. An outsider, observing and taking it all in no matter what the group or activity. Maybe that's the writer in me or the engineer. Most likely a combo of both.

I have to admit, too, that I'm probably not the easiest friend to have. Think about it. Deadline times when I disappear into the cave for a few weeks at a time, a fantasy world running inside my head that can make me seem a little spacey at times, and a new climbing passion where I don't mind getting dirty, bruised and blistered as many times a week as I can.

Hmmm... a stressed, spaced out loner who'd rather be hanging out at the local climbing crag with people she meets on the Internet. Yep, exactly what your typical stay-at-home mom around here is looking for in a meet-at-Starbucks-after-school-dropoff-pal.

People say you can figure out what issues authors are dealing with in their own lives if you study their books. In my case, that's definitely true. Acceptance plays a part in many of my stories. Finding where we fit in, that sense of belonging, of being accepted for who we are. I tell people writing keeps me sane and is the best therapy! I'm not kidding when I say that.

If you're a writer, do you see personal issues coming out in your work? Is it something you recognize as your writing or after the fact or not until someone points it out to you? If you're a reader, have you ever noticed a particular theme in more than one of an author's works?

5 comments:

Brandy said...

You sound so much like me in the "fringe of groups" thing. I tend to find a corner and observe or hide in a book.I am an intorvert. I have NO close frinds here. My next door neighbor is nice, but she is also much older than I am and we barely have anything in common.Hubs is a frind of course, but we don't share a love of books and therefore I have no one to talk about them with! The only friends I have, or the people I have have been blessed enough to meet on the interenet. I look forward to the comments and blog posts, and yes, I know there is something sad in that.
Rest assured, you are not alone. But, be sure to poke your head out of your cave and let the friends you do have know that you are still breathing and kicking! *g* You did a good thing with the phone call today!

Dru said...

I'm definitely an observer and a listener. I found as I get older my true friends dwindled down to a few that I could count on one hand. In a way, it makes for a less conflict. The few friends that I do have were all met on the Internet.

Like Brandy said you did good with the phone call and yep, you'll have to let people know that you are still around.

Do I notice a them in an author's work? No, not really. I get engrossed in the story I'm reading at that time, not the all the stories the author wrote comparing them. Does that make sense?

I have to tell you that the first thing I do when I come home from work is read my blogs and it feels great to hear what everyone is doing or thinking.

I hope you had a good Wednesday.

Marianne Arkins said...

My DD asked me who my friends were around here. I said I didn't have any... Oh, a couple of folks I talked with now and then, but no friends. And, even if you count long distance friends, I probably only have... um... three.

Sheesh. That's a little pathetic.

LOL.

Hey, M. I want to list your contest at LASR. How should I do it? Email me... K?

Brandy said...

Sorry about the typos, every time I typed friend it, I typed it so fast the 'e' didn't register.

Melissa said...

Thanks so much everyone! I love all my online friends. I don't know what I do without you all!

Don't worry about the typos, Brandy! Introverts R us seems to be the theme of the day. And you're right about the call being a good thing :-)

Dru - I think you'd really have to know an author's body of work to figure out their theme and be looking for it probably. I only know about it because we've talked about it on writing loops. And like you, I love checking in and seeing what everyone's been up to. Whenever I see a comment flag pop up in my mailbox I smile!

And it's not pathetic, Marianne. I think a lot of people only have a few close friends. It's the "close" that really narrows down the field. I'll get in touch with you about LASR too!

I was chatting on-line with a climbing friend today. We were finally online at the same time. We got to talking about friends and it turned to climbing partners. I realized that something that really appeals to me about climbing was the whole partner relationship. There's a huge amount of trust required when you climb with someone. As my friend put it, "you exchange the guardianship of each other's lives." A bit more than just meeting for coffee at Starbucks!